I am not a wealthy dude
But I got a couple bucks and I'm spending it on alcohol
Because I like to feel shitty
All the time

I'm not gonna plea with the paladins
I've got a remedy for drunk driving
I really have to pee but I'm holding it in
Til I get off the freeway
I got all the time in the world to spend
All my fucking cash on some dumb girlfriend
Who doesn't understand that she just pretends
To like me for who I am

I got time for all that jazz, but it eludes me
I am making all these plans for some failure
I need a mirror so I can fuck myself
I'll stay alone and you can suck my pooch

I'm the king of beers
I'm the wayne gretsky of knocking 'em back
I'm too drunk to steer
I'm the king of beers

I'm not gonna play if I'm not picked first
You're a good sport, but I think I'm cursed
Every time I lose I almost burst
Into tiny flames
I am twenty four
And I never try
I am twenty four
And I always whine
About being twenty four
I should spend my time
Actually doing something

Give me two birds in the bush and I'll find birdshit
I'm not asking for a rush, 'cause it's not worth it
I need a mirror so I can fuck myself
If you don't like that you can suck my pooch

I'm the king of beers
I'm the wayne gretsky of tossing 'em back
I'm too drunk to steer
I'm the king of beers
I am full of tears
I make bad excuses for the way that I act
It's all becoming clear
I'm the king of beers